Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
