i think i have two assholes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
