remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
