he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
