don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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