I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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