he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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