When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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