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Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize