hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
