There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
