Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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