Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
