Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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