boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
