we made out on top of his cat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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