I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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