my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
NoShamevember. You game?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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