Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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