i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
