...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
