Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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