Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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