That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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