well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
