She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
