New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
