turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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