I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
