Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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