bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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