Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
