I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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