the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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