you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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