He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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