is wine microwaveable?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
