Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
