people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need moral support for this bender
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
