i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
