i just had sex bonerless
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
