after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
