Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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