How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
