Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
