dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
