I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
