I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
