I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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