Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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