Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
