so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
