Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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