Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
