I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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