guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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