I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
