She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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