Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
